


we're gonna burn that bridge

by SkinnyPlease



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), M/M, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), god i just like writing them being Big Stupid, just because there's a confession doesn't mean anyone is any better at feelings!, trust me okay it's gonna be fine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkinnyPlease/pseuds/SkinnyPlease
Summary: “Do you remember the Garrison? Fuck, Iverson was the worst. I was definitely in love with you then, I’m not sure if you knew that. Now, you do I guess.”Keith stops short at that, heart pumping quicker. No, he wants to reply, I didn’t know that.OrWhen Keith leaves to join the Blade of Marmora, he and Lance become pen pals.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	we're gonna burn that bridge

**Author's Note:**

> i really struggled to write this. i first started this like a month ago, but if i'm being honest it's inspired by parts of my #real life, which i am also struggling with. h a h a. it was also only supposed to be one chapter but.
> 
> title is from the donovan woods song "burn that bridge" which i adore with my entire soul. 
> 
> also! i'm so so so grateful for all the support on my last work. :') it means a lot and i hope y'all like this one.

It only takes a week after Keith has left the castle for the loneliness to creep in. While he’s used to surviving on his own (living in an isolated shack for a prolonged period of time will do that to a guy), there’s a different type of lonely that comes when surrounded by others that he could actually connect with. But, none of the Blade members seem particularly inclined to even try to become acquittances, ergo Keith is left with short conversations only pertaining to missions and preparing for missions and almost eerily quiet mealtimes. He doesn’t want to admit he’s craving more than that and the thought of calling the castle so soon after departing seems somehow desperate. So, he does what he does best: train harder and sleep less. Which is exactly what he’s in the middle of when the first message from Lance comes through:

_Keith!_

_I hope you’re doing well. I know it’s only been a week and you’ve probably been too busy, which is why you haven’t called us yet BUT I, the genius I am, thought maybe a message would be better received (?) Plus, you can respond on your own time. Anyway, not too much has changed since you left. Hunk made these absolutely awful biscuits for dinner last week, though. Like, I totally love the big guy and usually his cooking is killer but GEEZ. Even Coran, endlessly supportive and wonderful Coran, had to spit his out (into a napkin when Hunk was looking away, of course). I think Shiro actually secretly burned the recipe for them that Hunk wrote down…BUT he did make this almost MAGICAL goo lasagna yesterday, so the universe is right again._

_In other news, Allura and the mice’s creepy connection has only been creepier since you left. I literally have turned the corner to find her weirdly giggling with them too many times. I mean, I appreciate the mice, and like I get there's some weird connection bc of the pod time or whateever, but honestly, they kinda scare me. Like, they could 10000000% murder me in my sleep. I even asked Pidge about it, and they agree, so you can’t say I’m being irrational. They may have been slightly distracted at the time, something about fixing some generator that produces something or whatever, but still! They agreed. I can’t really think of anything else right now. Well, I can, but this already turned out longer than expected. Hope you’re well – you better call us soon!_

_Get a haircut,_

_Lance_

Keith reads it on his walk back from the training room and collapses onto his bed when he’s finished. He lays staring at the ceiling for a while after reading Lance’s message. Something about it settles warmly in his chest and he reads it twice more before typing up a reply:

**Lance,**

**Good to hear from you. The mice are scary. I appreciate the update. Will call soon.**

**K**

He stares at the message for a few minutes. Should he include more? Should he include less? What does a typical message contain? Keith lets out a groan and decides that he’s overthinking and just sends it off. He sets down his tablet and rolls over to attempt to get at least a few hours of sleep, when his tablet pings only a minute later. He debates ignoring it but ends up looking.

_Keith!_

_You better. Also, I was thinking – and feel free to say no, y’know, it’s really not a huge deal or anything – but I thought it might be cool to write to each other? Like those dumb elementary pen pal projects, except less dumb and better. Yeah. Cool._

_Hope you’re shaving your tragic facial hair,_

_Lance_

How Lance managed to type back so fast is beyond Keith. Ultimately, he holds his sleep deprivation accountable for why he replies:

**Sure.**

**K**

He wakes up and almost expects another message, but upon seeing no notifications on his tablet, he prepares for the day. It’s a normal, boring day with several briefings, debriefings, and sparring matches scheduled back to back. He’s in the middle of his typical bland lunch when he hears the ping.

_Keith!_

_Awesome, awesome. So, because I didn’t quite know how to start this thing out I mayyyy have search “how to write a pen pal letter” to get a basic outline…_

_Anyway, my name is Lance (which you already knew), and I’m from Cuba, located on Earth (which, hopefully, you also already knew). Though, my family moved to the good ol’ US of A when I was like 13ish. I have four siblings: Rachel, Veronica, Luis, and Marco. Veronica’s my twin, so she’s extra special. People like to talk all the time about twin’s like magical connections. I think Luke and Leia from Star Wars – I hope you’ve watched Star Wars, or this reference will be completely wasted – misled them on that one. It’s not like she can think something I suddenly am also thinking it or if she was kidnapped, I’d know her location. I guess we do like understanding each other, but that’s just kinda a family/close person thing._

_I can’t choose a favorite movie or food or color because it feels like it would be betraying the others, but feel free to share if you wanna._

_I’m supposed to ask you questions I wanted answered, so I guess: What’s the first thing you learned to cook? Who was your best friend growing up? (These we’re also provided by the pen pal website. The internet really is magical!)_

_The website said I should also share what I’m learning in school and to share a special moment, but the first one isn’t really relevant, and I couldn’t think of anything for the second, so…_

_Gotta blast,_

_Lance_

Keith already knew most of that about Lance, but it doesn’t stop him from rereading the letter a few times before starting his reply:

**I’m assuming I don’t have to do all the introductory stuff, except maybe that I’m from California. Unsure if you knew that. I have seen Star Wars. Shiro and I used to have Friday night Star Wars nights actually. Choosing a favorite movie is a tough question, but if I had to I’d safe the Count of Monte Cristo. No color preference.**

**The first thing I ever learned to cook is grilled cheese. My best friend growing up was this kid named Joon. We met playing little league baseball.**

**I’m not great at thinking of good questions but here are a few: can you ride a bicycle? What’s your favorite of Hunk’s recipes?**

**K**

He doesn’t admit that he also looked up “pen pal tips” online.

It soon falls into a routine. Keith finds himself using the thought of returning to Lance’s inevitable letter to get him through particularly tough missions and boring meetings. They talk about their families and favorite moments from Earth and worst food poisoning experience. Lance waxes poetry about Cuban sunsets and his perfect day at the beach. Keith tells him about his worst sunburn and how he got that tiny scar on his left rib and denies Lance’s assertion that he is always trying to be edgy. Lance tells him about his dog that died a few months before Voltron and Keith tells him about his childhood hermit crab. On particularly late nights, where everything seems timeless and removed just a degree from reality, they talk about hopes and dreams and fears. Lance tells him how he misses his family so much sometimes it aches, and that he still dreams of them constantly. Keith admits to him how lonely it’s been serving on the Blade. Lance never says it directly, but Keith can almost hear him telling Keith to come back. Sometimes, Lance is too hyper to send written letters so he sends long voice messages. Keith knows his computer could transcribe them easily, but he can’t help but relish in the warm sound of Lance’s voice. On nights when insomnia hits, he secretly plays them to lull him to sleep.

Keith knows he’s playing a dangerous game with himself, one that he hadn’t been willing to engage with before. One that Shiro called him out on the night before he left for the Blade. He had looked Keith right in the eyes and said, “I know it’s been tough for you lately and this feels right and, of course, I support you and your decisions. But, just don’t be afraid to be open to these…changes. Don’t you think you deserve more? Don’t you think he does?”

Keith hadn’t answered that.

Honestly, when the confession comes five weeks later, is so subtle that he almost doesn’t notice it. If Keith wasn’t so invested in reading, he may have skimmed over it and missed Lance’s confession completely. Lance had tucked it between a rambling story about the time he was at the Garrison and absolutely _needed_ a milkshake, so he and Hunk had coordinated what he called “Mission Milkshake: the Unshakeables” to sneak out and get one and a barrage of questions about Galra ears. And yet, there it is, undeniably written:

_Do you remember the Garrison? Fuck, Iverson was the worst. I was definitely in love with you then. I’m not sure if you knew that. Now you do, I guess._

Keith stops short at that, heart pumping quicker. _No,_ he wants to reply, _I didn’t know that._

Further, he doesn’t know what to do with that information. His brain was suddenly too loud, clumsily making rapid-fire connections he hadn’t allowed himself to acknowledge before. Lance’s insistence of their supposed “rivalry.” The way he’d get all up in Keith’s space. Or how Keith would still weirdly find him staring. He had brushed off these early signs in their meeting, favoring just being in a perpetual state of annoyance because of Lance’s less than thought-out actions and stupidity. He also hadn’t really wanted to deal with his own feelings or unpack the fact that despite Lance’s annoying tendencies, he still wanted to be around him constantly.

He paces. He writes ten different draft letters before erasing them all. He stares at the message blankly, as if somehow the words will disappear if he doesn’t. But, plain as day, in writing, is the fact that Lance likes him. Liked him? There is a sense of past about it, which Keith can’t stop circling back to. Why is he sharing this now? The only logical explanation is that Lance is so past it, he doesn’t feel the need to even hide it anymore. Which is frustrating and disheartening in a way that Keith doesn’t quite know how to process. He keeps wondering why Lance didn’t say something sooner. Would it have changed things? Keith is admittedly unsure of the answer to that either. What would have happened if Keith had – he cuts off that thought quickly. There was a reason for leaving and he knows that even if Lance had these feelings in the past doesn’t mean or have any bearing on the now.

Ultimately, Keith doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything. Life continues, and the next day he gets a different – safer – letter from Lance about the impromptu food fight he started at the banquet in their honor on whatever alien planet they’re trying to secure an alliance with. He responds to that one quickly, recalling their first food fight when they first struggled to form Voltron.

It’s almost as if it never happened.

Another month goes by before Ulaz announces that their course just happens to coincide Voltron’s, so they’ll be holding a short in person brief in the castle instead of their usual weekly video briefings. Keith perks up at that and goes to write Lance. But, of course, the paladin has already messaged him:

_Keith!_

_Did you hear the news!!!! Guess we’ll be able to see each other soon, haha. I’ll try not to write down all my amazing adventures, so you can hear them all in person. I’ll also have Hunk provide the finest goo, just for you (that rhymed omg!)._

_In other news, I think I miss apples a lot today. Like apple pie? I’d kill for a slice rn (if your old man brain doesn’t remember, that means “right now”). Or an entire pie. Do you miss any Earth foods??_

_This is gonna be a shorter letter, we have a performance thing today. Anyway. See you soon :)_ _!!_

_Red misses you,_

_Lance_

Keith rereads it a few times through, mouth quirked softly.

**Was just about to message you. I do remember what rn stands for Lance.**

**Never liked apple pie much, or pie in general. I could always go for a Nutella banana milkshake. Or veggie potstickers. I’m sure goo will do though. Good luck with your performance. Let me know how it goes. :-)**

**K**

It’s like he blinks and he’s back boarding the Castle with the rest of the Blade members. Allura is the only one there to greet them; she shows them to their rooms for the night and bumps Keith’s shoulder with a smile when he passes. The group briefing is held in the conference room after dinner and Keith can’t stop his leg shaking from anticipation. Lance slides in smoothly, head turned to laugh at something Hunk said. Keith can’t help the sudden smile that overtakes his face and is glad that no one can see through his mask. It doesn’t take long for Lance to zero in on his face, a smile mirroring Keith’s settling on his features. They don’t talk directly during the meeting and Lance is seated on the other side of the table, just out of reach. But, something about just having him there present and real and laughing and loud is almost overwhelming. Keith has to stop himself from zoning out, too focused on Lance’s lips, cheeks, mouth, and wild hand gestures. He doesn’t know how he managed not to be so distracted when he was still a paladin.

Not too much happens; treaties are drafted, Allura and Ulaz disagree on something pointless, somewhat inspirational speeches are given, and then, they’re finally all dismissed. Keith loses sight of Lance in the shuffle of the crowd and tries not to be too disappointed.

An hour later finds Keith tossing and turning in his bed. Shiro had caught him and said he could stay in his old quarters. He had declined, worried that the familiarity of the place would be almost haunting. But, the unfamiliarity of the bare room he’s been assigned to share with three other Blade members is possibly worse. Their easy breathing that is usually soothing makes the room feel unbearably smaller and suffocating. It’s not long before he’s dragging himself up and tiptoeing out of the room.

He wanders the castle halls aimlessly until he finds himself in the observation deck without really paying attention. When he pushes the door open, he’s almost surprised to find Lance seating on the small couch, facing the stars. But, this how it’s always been, he muses: he and Lance always seem to find their way back to each other.

“When I write you, I’m usually sitting right here.” Lance says abruptly.

Keith settles on the couch across from Lance. “How’d did you know it was me?”

Lance turns towards him, smile easily stretching across his face. “I didn’t. I thought the drama of it all was worth it despite any potential embarrassment if it wasn’t you.”

Keith snorts, body slumping back into the couch. They don’t say anything further for a few minutes, content in the easy silence that permeates the room.

Lance, of course, is the first to speak. “It’s good to have you back. Not that you’re super gone. But like in-person-here.”

“It’s good to be back.”

“You – you didn’t leave because of what I said, right?” It’s a quiet question, interlaced with an insecurity that Lance rarely shows.

Keith sits up slightly at that. “No. Nothing like that.”

“Oh. Okay. I just thought…well, you left like right after that conversation, just because I said I was worried about the math of six paladins and five lions didn't mean I wanted you to leave, yknow.”

“Wait, have you been worrying about this? Lance, please tell me you haven’t been blaming yourself for me leaving.”

“Look, I can’t say it didn’t cross my mind.” Lance shifts from his crossed legged position, curling his legs up and hooking his chin on his knees. He looks so small, Keith thinks, so vulnerable. How many times has Lance thought that? How many times has Lance blamed himself for things that aren’t his fault? _Too many,_ Keith thinks.

“Lance, I - Look. I needed to leave. It had nothing to do with you or that conversation. Though, it made it easier to rationalize leaving.” He sighs, “Honestly, I don’t think there was anything that could have really made me stay.”

He pointedly doesn’t mention how the castle had become stifling to be around, how he couldn’t stop his constant circling of thoughts on one particular subject, how he had started to admit something about his feelings that he wasn’t ready for. Childhood had taught him long ago that’s it’s always less painful to cut things off early, rather than let them grow and fester until they’re suffocating.

He can feel Lance looking at him. “Nothing could have made you stay? Nothing at all?”

He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t say that there was maybe one thing. “Nothing at all.”

There’s another lapse of silence. This one is less comfortable. Lance looks away.

Keith starts to leave, foot coming off the couch.

“Do you ever have those moments that feel like they’re gonna last forever? Like, you know they’ll be over at some point, obviously, but like it’s almost like you can’t imagine the moments before or think of what’s coming after?” Lance asks softly before shaking his head. “Sorry, that probably doesn’t really make sense.”

Keith turns back towards him, though Lance’s eyes are turned away.

“Are you feeling that right now?”

Lance doesn’t look back, but he nods.

“Let’s just sit, then.”

They sit for a long time. Lance looks out into space. Keith looks at Lance. He doesn’t mean to keep staring but it seems almost impossible not to. It’s not until Lance shifts back, his eyes meeting Keith’s, that the spell finally seems broken.

 _I thought you were braver than this._ Lance almost seems to say, though there’s still only silence.

Keith gulps. He says nothing.

“We should go to bed. The Blade won’t be happy I’m keeping up on of their members so late.” Lance uncurls his legs and hops up from the couch with more grace than Keith remembers him having. He starts to walk out, shaggy brown hair swishing just slightly as he does. He pauses and turns at the doorway and looks back. Keith opens his mouth before closing it. He wants to be brave, but he also doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. It just feels like maybe he should say something.

Lance shakes his head in a small motion, quirking his lip in what Keith thinks he’s trying to pass off as a smile, before finally exiting completely.

Keith doesn’t stop looking at the empty door frame for a long time.

The Blade leaves the Castle the early next day. After all, this was never meant to be a long visit. He searches for Lance in the morning but can’t seem to find him before they are being ordered to roll out. He shrugs it off, it’s not like he got to see any of the other paladins before leaving and they’ll see each other again soon. Still, boarding the airship he can’t help the nagging feeling that there was something he should have done differently.

There’s a message from Lance waiting for him when he finally returns to his room. It’s the shortest message he’s received since the beginning:

_Do you think we are more honest here?_

There’s no usual greeting or sign off, which Keith notices. Even though Lance doesn’t specify the “here” Keith understands what he if referring to: here in this virtual limbo where they can both pretend that maybe their words are a little lighter. Here where he doesn’t have to suppress his smiles at Lance’s stupid jokes or pretend he’s not attuned to the way Lance is actually feeling by his adjective choice. Here where it's safer to bare his own thoughts and feelings.

Well, at least most of his feelings.

Keith considers the question for a moment and weighs what to say.

**Yes.**

Keith leaves his tablet in his room and heads to the training deck. When he returns hours later, sore and sweaty, Lance still hasn’t replied.

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you want to know the songs i played while writing this to get the ~vibe~. 
> 
> i know this part was kinda angsty BUT i pinky promise the next part will be happier, lol. 
> 
> thank you for reading!! feel free to leave a comment or any requests of fics you'd like me to write!!


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